The Best Counseling Blog

Your main job as a parent is to nurture growth and change in your child, as well as to give guidance, encouragement and support. When your child is a newborn, they depend on you for food, protection and health care. It may be difficult for you to imagine them ever growing up and changing, but they will and part of your job is to welcome and nurture the growth in your child. They will grow physically, emotionally and spiritually and they will need you to guide them to be a healthy, mature individual.

Four suggestions to being a successful parent and add to your natural parenting skills to give your child the best start are as follows:

Show Your Love: Little ones do not always understand the words “I love you” but they do connect with smiles, hugs and kisses, playing and singing. Pay attention to your child by listening and watching them which makes them feel special and secure. This also helps build a good foundation for self-esteem.

Be A Good Example: Children will imitate their parents as a way to show their love for you. Your child learns how to behave, develop new skills and take care of themselves from watching you and will closely pattern their own behavior and beliefs after yours. Being a good example for your child means being responsible, loving and consistent with your child and all other members of your family.

Communicate Honestly and Openly: Communication is one of the most important skills that you can teach your child. Even as a newborn, they will gaze into your eyes and listen to your soothing voice. They will watch and listen to you as you communicate with others to sort out concerns and problems in an understanding and patient way. They will learn how to express their feelings and be open and honest with you, if you lead the way.

Spend Time Together: It is important to spend a great deal of time with your children. Spending time with your children gives them the ability to know you and feel confident of your love. You can work full time and still spend quality time with your child daily. The important thing is that you devote the time just to your child, meeting both your needs together. It is up to you to direct your attention and shape your schedule that you can spend this quality time with your child.

Many people have, from time to time, experienced negative irrational thoughts in their life.  Some people live their whole life making excuses for their inability to have a positive life experience.  Yet others have learned the secret of living a fulfilling positive life by changing their negative irrational thoughts to positive rational thoughts. 

Here are 18 global negative thoughts that many of us experience and how to change them to positive thoughts and affirmations by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer.

Changing negative irrational thoughts or excuses to positive rational thoughts or affirmations.

From Dr. Wayne W. Dyer’s Book called  “Excuses Begone!”

1. It will be difficult.      I have the ability to accomplish any task I set my mind to with ease and comfort.
2. It is going to be risky.      Being myself involves no risks.  It’s my ultimate truth and I live fearlessly.
3. It will take along time.       I have infinite patience when it comes to fulfilling my own destiny.
4. There will be family drama.      I’d rather be loathed for who I am than loved for who I’m not.
5. I don’t deserve it.       I’m a divine creation, a piece of God.  How can I be undeserving?
6. It’s not my nature.      My essential nature is perfect and faultless.  It is to this nature that I return.
7. I can’t afford it.      I am connected to an unlimited source of abundance.
8. No one will help me.     The right circumstances and the right people are already here and will show up on time.
9. It’s never happened before.     I am open and willing to attract all that I desire beginning here and now.
10. I’m not strong enough.      I have access to unlimited assistance.  My strength comes from my connection to my source.
11. I’m not smart enough.     I’m a creation of the divine mind, all is perfect and I am a genius in my own right.
12. I’m too old or I’m not old enough.     I’m an infinite being.  The age of my body has no bearing on what I do or who I am.
13. The rules won’t let me.     I live my life according to divine rules.
14. It’s too big.     I think only about what I can do now.  By thinking small I accomplish great things.
15. I don’t have the energy.     I feel passionately about my life and this passion fills me with excitement and energy.
16. It’s my personal family history.     I live in the present moment by being grateful for all my life experiences as a child.
17. I’m too busy.     As I unclutter my life I free myself to answer the callings of my soul.
18. I’m too scared.     I can accomplish anything I put my mind to because I know I’m never alone.

Couples seek counseling at different stages in their marriage. There are many reasons people start marriage counseling and want help with their relationships. For the purpose of this post, we will discuss an overview of the marriage cycle and some of the danger years often seen in marriages. These years encompass from year two until seven. Then again around year twelve to seventeen and years twenty to twenty-five.

Stage One:  After the first few years of marriage, often referred to as the “Honeymoon Phase”, couples start to realize that their dreamy, ideal mate is only human and has many annoying habits. Also resentments about chores, finances and family can begin. So, what is needed at this two to seven year interval of marriage is acceptance and compromise. Basically, acceptance of mates annoying habits and compromise with chores and family obligations. In marriage counseling, the challenge here is to first build a foundation of communication so that things that need to be accepted or compromised about can first be effectively talked about to resolve them. When couples can work through this stage in their marriage, they learn to share and compromise in their marriage and strengthen their commitment to each other until the next danger stage in the marriage cycle sometime between twelve and seventeen years.

Stage Two: Unfortunately during the next stage between 12 and 17 years of marriage is when a lot of divorces occur. During this time, many couples are entering middle age and they start re-examining their life goals. They often start wondering if they are missing out on something being with their partner or if their partner will be able to fulfill all their future goals together with them. This is the time many couples separate from each other, either physically and live separately, or emotionally and stay under the same roof but act aloof towards each other. In men, we often see what is termed a “mid-life crisis” which usually encompasses them trying to re-capture their youth by buying sport cars or trying to date much younger women. In women, they will often return to school, start a new business or start working out more.

If the couple has separated, they may still want to work things out because they still are committed to the marriage and still feel love for each other. So separation does not mean a definite end to the marriage and can actually, in some cases, help each of them to realize how much they still love each other. It sometimes can re-ignite their passion for each other. When couples seek marriage counseling at this stage in their marriage, they are either wanting to reunite or giving it a last effort before divorce. So, the first thing in marriage counseling at this stage is to be on the same page for the marital goals. Often, if the marriage is to survive through this stage, both partners have to agree on a life plan together, accept the change in their passion for each other and agree to go forward in their life together.

Stage Three:  The next danger stage occurs sometime between year 20 and 25. During this time in a couples marriage, they often find themselves alone with each other again. Usually the kids are grown and gone or more independent. There may have been a retirement from a long career or a change in physical abilities for one or both of the partners. At this time some people start to think that they have one last squeeze out of life and this would only happen with a divorce and a “new” start. The goal of marriage counseling at this stage is to help the couple find that inner peace and satisfaction with their life and their partner. If this is accomplished, often couples will stay together and enjoy their golden years in harmony.

If you find your marriage has entered into one of these stages or there are other issues affecting your marriage, seek marriage counseling with a Licensed Counselor who can help you and your partner resolve these marital issues.  Many times, if counseling is sought at the beginning of a stage or problem, the issue may be resolved before resentments and separation occurs.  It is rarely too late to get help for your marriage at any stage, so it is better to seek marriage counseling then to do nothing about the problems.  Marriages can be saved and rejuvenated with some work and a commitment to each other.

Depression is an illness that involves the body, mood and thoughts.  Depressive disorders come in different forms such as major depression, dysthymia and bipolar disorder.  Within these forms of depression, there are variations in the number of symptoms, their severity and persistence. 

A depressive disorder is more than just a passing blue mood. It is not a sign of weakness or something that can be wished away.  Someone afflicted with this disorder cannot just “pull themselves together” or “shake it off”.  This disorder affects how a person eats and sleeps, how a person feels about themselves and thinks about things. 

Major Depression is manifested by a combination of symptoms that interfer with the ability to work, study, sleep, eat, and enjoy activities once pleasurable.   Some symptoms include:

1. depressed mood
2. loss of appetite
3. diminished interest in or enjoyment of activities
4. psychomotor agitation or retardation
5. sleeplessness or hypersomnia
6. lack of energy
7. poor concentration
8. social withdrawal
9. suicidal thoughts and/or gestures
10. feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, or inappropriate guilt
11. low self-esteem
12. unresolved grief issues
13. mood-related hallucinations or delusions

A disabling episode of depression may occur only once but more commonly occurs several times in a lifetime.

We will talk more about the treatment of depression and the other forms of depression in subsequent posts.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) involves anxious thoughts, intrusive thoughts, unwelcome or persistent images, or a compulsion to engage in certain rituals.  The disturbing thoughts or images associated with OCD are called obsessions and the rituals that are performed to try to prevent them are called compulsions.  Performing the rituals provides a temporary relief from the anxiety a person with OCD feels.  For example, if you are obsessed with germs or dirt, you may have the compulsion to wash your hands over and over again.  You may check and re-check things like locking the door, leaving the stove on or counting, always for a certain number of times.  Some people have to place things in order and it bothers them if it is out of place.

People in general can relate with checking the stove or the door a few times before leaving the house, but when the activity consumes a lot of time or interferes with daily life, it may be OCD.  It afflicts about 4 million adult Americans.  It can be seen in children, adolescents and young adults.  It affects men and women equally.  Symptoms can vary in individuals and they can also ease or worsen over time.

Depression, eating disorders or other anxiety disorders can accompany OCD.  It can also cause a person to isolate themselves from others or even create a health concern for those whose become compulsive hoarders. 

OCD responds well to treatment with both medication and psychotherapy.  We will talk more about symptoms and treatment of OCD in another post.

www.ocdsymptoms.co.uk – extensive advice about ocd causes and treatments

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a medical condition that is caused by an imbalance of two important “messengers” in the brain that lead to the symptoms of ADHD in children and adults.  About 4% of the entire adult population has ADHD which begins in childhood.  ADHD can lead to difficulties with the following:

• Focusing on tasks or conversations
• Organizing and prioritizing work
• Filtering out distractions
• Thinking before acting
• Completing projects

Symptoms of Adult ADHD are the same core symptoms that occur in childhood such as inattention, hyperactivity and impulsive behavior.  Researchers used to believe that children would outgrow their symptoms of ADHD, but it is now known that 65% of children with the disorder will continue to have it into adulthood.  Sometimes these same symptoms in adulthood can have more severe consequences.  Here are the symptoms:

• Inattention may cause many problems in relationships and at work.  Very often the adult with ADHD will have lapses in their attention during a conversation or business meeting and miss the point of the conversation or meeting.  They also frequently start to talk about an unrelated topic or miss part of the important part of the conversation. This will cause strains in relationships, marriages and work place problems.
• Disorganization may potentially cause serious problems for the adult with ADHD that may start at home with troubles in financial management or paying bills on time.  At work, it may be difficult to prioritize tasks, complete tasks or start projects requiring a lot of planning and thought.
• Distractibility is also an issue because small, unrelated things can disrupt their train of thought, their project, etc.  Sometimes making it difficult to focus on things requiring sustained attention.
• Hyperactivity takes a different form in ADHD adults than children.  It usually goes from high motor activity in children to a feeling of restlessness in adults which impacts their ability to do long, quiet activities such as reading a book or watching a movie.
• Impulsive behavior in adults may lead to serious consequences than it does in children.  They may make very impulsive decisions to spend money, travel, change jobs or social plans without really thinking through the outcome.  They often interrupt others in the conversation or blurt things out in conversations.

Although you may have gone through your childhood without being diagnosed with ADHD, to have it as an adult, it was always there as a child.  Sometimes it may not be recognized until later in life when things become more complex, less structured, more demands and there is more complex social interactions.

We will discuss more about treatment of the adult with ADHD in subsequent posts and also begin a discussion on children with ADHD.